lunes, 31 de agosto de 2015



Estoy en ese momento en el que tienes miedo de querer algo que has deseado mucho porque sabes que es muy probable que no lo obtengas, que no llegue, que otra vez no suceda.  Y quieres creer que será porque algo mejor llegará pero la realidad es simple y la experiencia es apabullante: muy probablemente ésta vez tampoco sea la vez.

Y quieres no preocuparte ni angustiarte y confíar en que las cosas saldrán bien de una manera u otra y que, aún si no es ésta la vez ni esa la persona, todo será para bien pero sientes ansiedad y no puedes evitarlo y la soledad te pega, más cuando te das cuenta que si estas solo. 

Estoy cansada de anhelar. Quiero algo real. Pero nada es real, todo se esfuma. Sólo el día a día es real y ya no quiero que me pidan más, ya lo di todo y lo que me queda en las arcas mejor lo echo al olvido, los sueños que no se cumplen se vuelven veneno en el alma.

Y quisiera irme, escapar a un lugar donde nadie tenga bebés ni esté embarazada ni pariendo ni nada, donde no haya bodas ni gente de la mano. Los únicos bebés con los que me permito soñar son gatos.

Lo único que me permito de noche es pensarte un rato y después poco a poco te meto en el baúl donde guardo las cosas que nunca serán.







Me siento como el dinosaurito





https://www.facebook.com/ThinkSocialMx/photos/pcb.1058087304204188/1058087147537537/?type=1&permPage=1

La Vida que se Escapa - El Libro de Hoy

La bruja sintió el corazón caliente entre sus manos y lo estrujó lentamente. La sangre aún tibia brotaba de él y ella sabía que si lo apretaba demasiado lo rompería, sus uñas se encajarían en éste y lo rasgarían y aun así lo sostuvo con fuerza sin poder contener su emoción. Bañadas en su sangre, sus manos estaban tibias otra vez y no había sentido calor alguno en muchos inviernos. Mientras lo exprimía sin desearlo pensaba en la vida que se escapaba de éste y en cómo esos momentos de vida le costarían siglos de soledades e inviernos inclementes.
La Vida que se Escapa - El Libro de Hoy
[No fue casualidad que vieras esa estrella. Nada es casualidad. Ni si quiera nosotros aquí y ahora. Ni las heridas, ni las glorias, ni las pérdidas. Ni el amor ni el abandono. Ni lo que viene. Eso tampoco es casualidad y por eso me duele saber que siempre estuvo escrito en nuestras estrellas y en las palmas de nuestras manos que se unen y desunen mientras la vida nos arroja a donde debemos ir]

27 / Agosto/2015
Aquiétate y salva la paz de tu alma
Extraño es no poder explicarte mi todo de ti, ni pronunciar palabra en tu presencia por temor a que se conviertan en profecías malditas. 28/ Agosto/2015
This Moment
BY LEO BABAUTA
We all suffer, every day: worry, procrastination, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, irritated, angry, frustrated, wishing things were different, comparing ourselves to others, worried we’re missing out, wishing other people would be different, feeling offended, loneliness, fear of failure, not wanting to do something, wishing we had less fat or bigger boobs or bigger muscles, angry at being controlled, wanting to find the perfect someone, wishing our partner was more perfect, stressed about finances, not wanting to think about problems, not knowing how to fix things, uncertain about choices, rushing from one task to the next, not liking our jobs.
And yet, these problems are self-created.
They’re real, but our tricky minds have created them. The problems are in our heads, created by some ideal/fantasy/expectation of how we wished the world would be, or hope it will be but fear it won’t be. It exists in our heads.
Try this, for a minute: let all of that go for a moment, and just pay attention to the physical things around you right now. Your body, the light, sounds, the thing you’re sitting on, the things moving or sitting still around you. Don’t judge them against what they should be, but just observe what they actually are.
See this moment as it is, without all the things you’re worried/frustrated/angry about. Let go of all of those things, and just see this moment.
It is perfect, as it is.
Accept this moment. Cherish it. This is real, and it is wonderful.
You can go back to worrying about everything else in a moment.
POSTED: MONDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2014

martes, 25 de agosto de 2015

When animals dream

The questions I don't want to ask
The answers I don't want to hear...
The things you always say
The things I always hear.
Not now from you, but from ALL of you,
for years before and more to come

You set the time
I listen. I cry.
I always wait.
Always in vain.

I should have known
I should have known

No time for fools
The joke is on you

A funny girl
Not so funny
When every night
She sleeps alone
No one around
She thinks "I'm alive...
But dead inside"

She carries on
Always on her own
She is tired
of carry all alone

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
If there's no hero
in her sky

No time for lovers
and dreamers are crashed
The dust of losing
all your mind.

When animals dream
They wish to call home
and someone to pick them
so they're not alone
Somone to sleep with
Someone to talk
And cuddling next something
That is alive

Belonging is a high price to pay
but willing am I
I don't wanna be lost
I don't want to be denied.




[Ahora, a la selva, ¡Y tigre para siempre!]



La soledad no es una estación, es el vehículo en el que viajas - El Libro de Hoy

Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself. — Bianca 


He llegado al punto en que ya no quiero estar sola. No es una necesidad absurda de cumplir con los requisitos de una sociedad, sino a la verdadera naturaleza del ser humano de la compañía; he cumplido con el requisito de conocerme a mi misma, ahora quiero conocerme al lado de alguien. El problema es que no sucede, y como eterna creyente de que todo pasa por algo me aferro  a que la imposibilidad del acto se debe a que aun no es mi tiempo. Mientras trato de disfrutar del tiempo en soledad la realidad se vuelve abrumante y deseo más y más la compañía, el anhelo de alma humana. 

Y nada llega, y lo que llega no se queda, y lo que existe no es real y lo que vive muere pronto. 

Sólo el vacío perdura.

Amaba más mi vida cuando no sabía que estaba sola. 


Sometimes depression means
Not getting out of bed for three days
Because your feet refuse to believe
That they will not shatter upon impact with the floor

viernes, 14 de agosto de 2015


A veces tienes miedo de soñar con todas esas cosas que deseas pero tienes miedo de querer, de pedir, de anhelar... temes terminar igual que siempre pero quieres creer que esta vez, esta vez es "la vez" que todo cambie.

We are creatures Designed to Consume Infinity.

It was dusk in the deep summer—the air was perfect enough for both windows to be rolled down the whole way.

We sailed along a ribbon of tar and chip stone, winding between meadows and cornfields.
My 15-year-old rode shotgun.
I shouted over the wind that tousled our hair and tickled our arms, “How well can you hear into the future?”
My son looked at me, a bit confused but not entirely surprised, as he does when I ask these kinds of questions. He didn’t respond. Instead, he stretched his arm into an airfoil.
I repeated, “How well can you hear words that have not yet been spoken?”
He playfully scooped and swept the wind, “I can’t.”
I continued, “How well can you hear what was said in the past?”
He retracted his arm and turned to face me, the green glow from the dashboard washing his now serious countenance.
“Dad, I can remember things that were said.”
I followed, “Very well. Of those things you remember, which are the clearest? Those things that were said a long time ago, or those things that were said most recently?”
Curious and uncertain, he responded, “Most recently.”
I got to my point, “Wouldn’t you agree—when considering the future and the past—you hear the most clearly those things that I am saying right now?”
He nodded, “Of course.”
I added, “And what about what you see? What you touch? What you feel? All the clearest right now, yes?”
He agreed.
As he gazed upon the deepening evening sky, I went on to explain that we are designed to experience our world through our senses.
I swept my hand across the horizon, presenting the unfolding sunset as a gift—because it was.
I offered that our senses are most acute in the now, and so our world is best experienced in the now.
He smiled.
I asked him to remember that notion—whenever he feels overwhelmed, whenever he cringes at reliving something from the past or whenever he worries himself sick over an uncertainty of the future.
I told him it is like looking into a stream, the images bent in its refraction, compressing what we see into something that isn’t really as close or as big as we perceive.
I told him we are creatures designed to consume infinity one second at a time.
And I left it at that.
We ogled the stars as we devoured the miles—silently, but with majesty—observing the distance and recognizing our slow crawl beneath them.
We sighed, content, as the wind tousled our hair and tickled our arms.
During the second that ticks—in which we are aware—are we not in complete equilibrium?
Are not our anxieties and fears found only when we consider the next moment or regret the last?

Relephant Reads:

This is what 7 p.m. looks like for Me.

Infinity. 

.
Author: Ray Helinski
Apprentice Editor: Kelly Chesney/Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Photo: Torange


Karma: that word that gets thrown around a lot.

Karma: that word that gets thrown around a lot.

People talk about “good” karma versus “bad” karma, or “your” karma versus “mine.”
But despite the term’s popularity, it seems like everybody has a different idea about what it actually means. If karma is truly one of the Buddha’s most important teachings, as he himself repeatedly emphasized, then to follow in his footsteps, we need to be clear about its definition.

The Problems with “Agricultural” Karma

Probably one of the most popular misunderstandings about Buddhist Karma is the idea that everything that happens to us is our karma. If we win the lottery or have an attractive partner, it’s because we performed good deeds in the past—we have “good” karma. If we get hit by a truck or our partner cheats on us, it’s because we misbehaved and have “bad” karma. And, of course, what we do now will determine our future results. Let’s just call this the agricultural view of karma: we reap what we sow.
So, what’s wrong with this idea? Well, whether we’re Buddhist or not, it creates lots of intellectual problems.
The first is that believing we reap what we sow simply seems to contradict a great deal of our experience. We act with kindness, maybe dropping a few coins into a homeless man’s can, only to have him call us a cheap yuppie. Or our chronically underperforming co-worker who spends most of the time surfing Facebook and pilfering office supplies gets a promotion.
In other words, the wicked very often seem to prosper, even thrive, while the good seem to get a goodly portion of crap.
How can this apparent contradiction be resolved? Proponents of agricultural karma will often use time as a rationalization. They will claim that just as a seed takes time to fruit, so do the fruits of your actions take time to ripen. Certainly, this helps. However, some things in life are still hard to explain.
Why, for example, do innocent infants die? They’ve barely had enough time to learn how to digest food properly, let alone perform some wicked deed. (Of course, we need to leave Stewie from Family Guy out of this equation, as well as the idea of the infant proposed by famous psychoanalyst Melanie Klein, who viewed it as a viscous and greedy succubus bent on completely draining the mother of her vital energy.)
I’m sure you’ve already come up with the answer: we must be dealing with more than one lifetime. In fact, the claim is that we have an infinite number of lives extending into the past. With this explanation, all the rewards and atrocities of life fit together like a skillful game of Tetris. We have an account for why infants die, or why we can be completely loving and faithful to our partner, only to end up alone; it’s just our karmic comeuppance from cheating in a previous life.
Sure, we still might feel unhappy because our partner is now dating a princess from Bhutan, but at least we can mourn with a sense of ease, knowing there is some order to events in the universe, and that these personal painful events are just the fruits of old, bad karma. We can also rest easy because in the future, we’ll also reap the rewards of our fidelity—it just might take time.
If we stop here, then all is well.
However, if we push a little further beyond this logical seal, then we confront what we call “the administrative nightmare.” How can all those good and bad deeds possibly be kept track of? And not just in one lifetime, but across infinite lifetimes? What conceivable cosmic ledger could account for all those transactions? It seems like an administrative impossibility to coordinate that vast amount of information and organize events so everything unfolds correctly, and justice gets served to the right people, at the right time, in just the right way. The organizational details are so complex that it leads people to say that karma is some infinitely subtle, ineffable cosmic order, inaccessible to even the most sophisticated minds.
An even bigger problem is that, with infinite lifetimes, absolutely everyone would have enough karma for nearly anything to happen to them. Put it this way: we all have everything coming.
The irony is that this view of karma ends up undermining its original purpose of explaining an individual’s unique, personal history.
Even if we manage to somehow dismiss these logical problems, we’re left with one that chafes at the heart of Buddhism. This view of karma presupposes an abiding self that’s responsible for these events, whereas the Buddha’s central message was the radical proposal that there is no self (anattā). The agricultural view of karma rests on there being some sort of enduring “you” (call it a self, soul, mind-stream, or whatever) who is responsible for what “you” did in the past, and a “you” who will benefit or be cursed in the future.
This view of karma contributes to acting in self-cherishing, ego-reinforcing ways. In other words, it supports the very self-illusion that the Buddha considered the root of our suffering.

Karma as Intention

What did the Buddha really mean by karma? The answer is simple: intention.
He said, “Intention, I tell you, is karma. Intending, one does karma by way of body, speech, and intellect.” Defining karma in this way, the Buddha departed radically from all previous thinking about karma.
In the traditional Brahmanical culture of India, karma generally referred to action. Do good deeds, and the universe will reward you in turn. But by redefining karma as the intentions behind one’s actions, the Buddha was pointing to a deeper truth: the kinds of intentions we habitually entertain—whether they’re generous and loving, or selfish and aversive—will determine the kind of mental space we inhabit. We can’t fully control whether our dog runs away, or whether our partner cheats on us, but we do have a say in what kind of person meets those events.
Karma as intention was the central message the Buddha emphasized over and over. The more any acts of body, speech, or mind are motivated by poisonous intentions such as greed and hatred, the more toxic we become, and the more we suffer, no matter what happens to us externally. The reverse is also true: intentions of compassion and wisdom shape us into beings with greater patience, who are less susceptible to suffering, no matter what happens to us externally.
To put it succinctly: Buddhist karma is not about what happens to you, but who it happens to.

Yes, the Wicked can Prosper

The Buddha’s focus on intention rather than actions and external circumstances allows us to fully acknowledge that the wicked can prosper, and that selfish behavior can bring a person great fortune and power. However, the mental state of such a person surrounded by luxury is a whole different matter. This also means that acting with compassionate intentions won’t magically prevent us from confronting the slings and arrows of life’s misfortune.
But acting out of wholesome intentions opens up the possibility of becoming a person who encounters these challenges with less grumpiness and greater ease. We have exemplars of this possibility in our great spiritual luminaries, such as the Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hahn. The fruit of their karma was not the atrocities they were victims of, but the equanimity and active compassion they show in the face of such extreme oppression and violence.
So too, getting sick is not the result of one’s bad karma. People grow old, experience the pain of illness, and eventually die. The Buddha never said you could plant the right karmic seeds to avoid any of these. They’re simply not optional.
However, whether or not we suffer when confronted by them is entirely up to us.

Not Everything is your Karma

In a sense, it’s true that karma means we reap what we sow. The only difference is that we’re sowing in the furrows of the mind, and less so in actual fields in the physical world.
That’s not to say our actions don’t have consequences. If we go around smiling at people, we’ll likely be smiled at in return. If we go around slapping people, we’re sure to get slapped. Yet, the ultimate outcome of our behavior is somewhat unpredictable. We could smile at a stranger, only to have them beat us up in return.
This unpredictability happens because there are other levels of causality working in the universe.
Not everything is our karma.
The Buddha actually taught about these other levels of causality quite explicitly in what are called the five Niyāmas. It’s worth going through them briefly. Here, we give them a modern twist.
The first level of causality is called the Utu Niyāma, or the level of physics and chemistry.
The second level is known as Bīja Niyāma, or biological causality. This new level is necessary because living organisms are more complex than just their physical and chemical constituents.
Continuing up the ladder of emergent complexity, we see that some living organisms have nervous systems and minds, which can’t be fully understood by just looking at the previous two levels of Utu and Bija Niyāma. Therefore, the Buddha talked about the Citta Niyāma, or psychological causality.
Now, some minds have a more hard-wired relationship with the previous levels. Take a lizard, for example. It behaves fairly predictably, based on tight wiring between chemical signals and genetic codes. We will never train a lizard to fetch a newspaper. Other minds, such as those of dogs and horses, have greater flexibility. Yet, teaching a dog to fetch the newspaper depends on an outside stimulus—specifically, our persistent efforts. The behavior doesn’t come entirely from inside the dog’s mind. And in fact, there may be only one animal on this planet with “self-forming” minds: humans. For us, we have to identify another level of causality: karmic or intentional causality, known as the Kamma Niyāma.
Kamma Niyāma opens a space for reflexivity, self-organization, and changing ingrained habits of body, speech, and mind. The preciousness of human life rests in this potential. Karmic causality, in other words, is a whole new level of causality in the universe, allowing us the chance to awaken to the highest level, called Dhamma Niyāma, or Ultimate Reality.
Dhamma Niyāma describes the absolute, indivisible reality, the universe in its entirety. All divisions from these heights are products of a mind struggling to grasp the ultimate. We build conceptual models to try to understand this level, and some models are certainly better than others. If that weren’t the case, the Buddha wouldn’t have bothered teaching. But at this level, all models are equally empty.
To say that everything is our karma is to usurp this vast spectrum of causality into a singular, self-centered mind.
When we realize the complexity we’re dealing with, we no longer see events as a result of karma, but rather as the product of certain physical causes and conditions. We also no longer fall prey to magical thinking, believing, for example, that by giving away money and being nice, we will get money in return and be showered with niceness.
Instead, we realize that when we replace hatred with compassion, or greed with generosity, those intentions will shape the type of being we become, whether rich or poor.
That’s karma.


Authors: Culadasa and Matthew Immergut
Editor: Emily Bartran
Photo: Hartwig HKD/Flickr



When I was a kid I was fascinated by space
And I learned that time slows near a black hole
Inside a black hole time stops altogether.
Whether or not this theory will ever be proved,
I’m moved to believe that this would be the perfect place to love someone. ― Shane Koyczan

#ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmm

drawing by Lucy Salgado Illustration

BEBESINA... TÚ Y MAGGIE ME DAN ESPERANZA

UNO DE LOS MEJORES MOMENTOS DEL DÍA... 
DE MI VIDA, VERTE FELIZ PEQUEÑA MÍA


Ten paciencia con la maquinación de los envidiosos, porque tu paciencia los matará, porque el fuego se come a sí mismo si no encuentra a quien comerse.
NCA TE ATENDIERON DURANTE EL EMBARAZO, NUNCA PENSARON QUE LOS BEBES ESTABAN TAN GRANDES Y SOBRE TODO QUE NO PUDIESEN NACER NATURALMENTE,, LLEGADO EL MOMENTO, NACEN DOS SIN VIDA, Y 3 SE QUEDAN DENTRO DE TI,,, BUSCARON AYUDA VET, PERO SIN DINERO NO SE LOGRO CONSEGUIR,, AYER YA NOCHE TIENES OTRO BEBE YA DESCOMPUESTO EL CADAVER, YA ESTABAS INFECTADA POR DENTRO, Y CON FIEBRE Y TAQUICARDIA,, SEGUIAN DOS DENTRO,,, SE CONSIGUE AYUDA Y TE OPERAN, DESCANSASTE CUANDO TE INYECTARON, SALISTE BIEN DE LA OPERACION,, PERO TU CORAZON NO RESISTIO,, TANTO DOLOR, TANTAS HORAS EN TRABAJO DE PARTO 34, EL UTERO DESTROZADO,,NO HABIA MUCHAS POSIBILIDADES,,, Y ASI FUE MI NIÑA UN INFARTO TE HIZO DESCANSAR DE TANTO DOLOR, TANTO SUFRIMIENTO,,,ME DUELE NO HABER HECHO MAS POR TI,, VUELA ALTO MI ANGEL, TE BROTARON ALAS.. VUELA ALTO,,,Y PERDON,,,

NOCTURNA

...sintió náuseas, no por el olor ni por lo que veía, sino por la certeza de que Dios ya no estaba en su corazón.


Y a medida que sus salvadores invisibles caían abatidos por las balas, Setrakian corrió hasta quedar exánime, y entonces empezó a llorar... pues aunque Dios estuviera ausente, él había encontrado al hombre. Al hombre asesino del hombre, pero también al hombre como salvador del hombre; horrores y bendiciones entregados por manos anónimas.
Todo era una cuestión de elección
Nocturna, Del Toro & Hogan.
If you're tired of starting over, STOP GIVING UP

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuHfVn_cfHU

Mantra del día de hoy.- El Libro de Hoy

Tengo pies. Gracias Dios porque tengo pies.
Puedo ver mis pies. Gracias Dios porque puedo ver mis pies.
Puedo oler mis pies. Gracias Dios porque puedo oler mis pies smile emoticon 
Puedo escuchar mis pasos. Gracias Dios porque puedo escuchar mis pasos.
Puedo sentir el mundo bajo ellos y la inmensidad de este. Gracias Dios porque puedo sentir todo eso.
Puedo expresar que amo tener mis pies. Gracias Dios por permitirme decirlo en voz alta.


Mantra del día de hoy.- El Libro de Hoy
De los laberintos se sale por arriba

Sobre la expiación y la limpieza del mundo.- El Libro de Hoy

Y pensó, "Sería bueno salir a matar a unas cuantas personas y mejorar el mundo". Volteó a ver a la gata que en la esquina de la cama se relamía la entrepierna y que en ese instante se detuvo para voltear mirarla y sin voz, a través de sus ojos amarillos, la gata con emoción contenida le respondió con voz de niña, "Bueno...¡Yo tengo una lista de nombres aquí!"

Treinta minutos después y tras haber comido un plato de cereal amarillo de dudoso valor nutrimental (ya que la felina aseguró era muy tarde para cenar algo pesado, aunque en el fondo ella sabía que todo era una treta para poder beber la leche que quedaba al fondo del tazón) y haber asegurado el hermoso collar de huellitas con una plaquita en forma de corazón al cuello de la gata, ambas salieron rumbo a la casa de su primera víctima caminando a las 2 am por el parque tal como lo haría una niña a plena luz del día...pero con una calibre .22 en la cinturilla de los jeans y un bate de baseball metálico en la mano izquierda.

Sobre la expiación y la limpieza del mundo.- El Libro de Hoy

El abismo susituto


"Ella entendió esa noche que había cambiado un abismo por otro, uno que miraba hacia ella directamente a sus ojos y ronroneaba sobre su pecho en ese momento."

Soundtrack: "Together" de The xx
El Abismo Sustiuto.- El Libro de Hoy